I love it when a word comes together!

Hello!!  I've been meaning to write this post for at least a week and have been so busy with life.  In reference to my previous post, God gave me so many words of encouragement through so many different people to make it through that hard rejection.  I am so grateful that we serve a loving God that cares enough to make sure we are ok.  : )

But the story doesn't end there.  The ladies at church started a Facebook group that we can discuss certain devotionals since we don't have a particular women's class at church.  When I had my "aha" moment Friday, I shared it with them and was so encouraged by their comments.  But I still felt like I should share it with more people.  I thought, maybe during Sunday School I could share it because if you know me, talking in front of large groups is the worst!!!!  So, Sunday came and I just didn't feel like I should share it then.  It didn't go with the lesson and back again to the whole not liking to talk to people, I just blew it off.

Well, fast forward to the sermon that day.  Our Pastor has been going over the book Haggai and that particular day was over Haggai 2:20-22.  He talked of the word that God gave Zerubbabel, a timely word that said to quit focusing on the rubble and to focus on God.  Ya'll, have you ever had an experience like this?  My Pastor spoke the exact words I've been hearing for the last couple of weeks.  He also said that it's a personal word just for us, that can resurrect our faith.  We just have to persevere.  I had goosebumps, started sweating and thought that I had to shared my testimony...IN CHURCH.  He went on to say it's a powerful word that will not return void and that we can use it as a weapon against Satan.  Maybe I was wrong, maybe I didn't HAVE to share it to church, but I didn't want to disappoint him...uuhhhh.  And finally, it's a productive word.  It reminds us that we are chosen and highly favored of God.  They were words of affirmation, that God truly cares for me and that I have to have faith He will do amazing things for me.  During the sermon, I wrote down a couple of things I had wanted to "say" but still wasn't sure.

By the time he got to the invitation, I was about to throw up. I knew that God wanted me to share my story and my recent bible study talked about being faithful with little, so God can trust us with the big was resonating in my head!  So, I walked up to the front feeling as though electric volts were going through my body.  I was shaking and I asked my pastor if I could give my testimony.  He told me after invitation was over I could speak.  Again, I HATE talking in front of people especially large groups.  (As I'm writing this I am starting to feel antsy again!!)  I start sweating and stuttering and feel as though my voice wavers...it's not pretty.  Do you know I don't think I said anything I wrote down.  I felt as though I didn't get the message out correctly or even coherently and sort of felt dumb that I couldn't get it together.  But I just knew that God wanted me to get up there.

That night, my friend called and told me she was so glad that I got up there because she had been praying about something at the exact moment I got up there.  She asked God to give her a word and my testimony was what she needed.  God is so crazy and I feel he has to have an amazing sense of humor to use someone like me.  So unequipped and fearful and really lame, to further his kingdom.  I am so glad I trusted him because if not, my friend wouldn't have gotten that message she needed.  It's the little things, people.  Little steps of faith that could become something so big.  I can't wait to see how God uses me for his glory!  Have a great day!!!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

We aren't always winners...and that's ok!

Ya’ll, the craziest thing happened to me the last couple of days!  It was such a God thing and I have to share!  (Can you sense my excitement with all of my exclamation points?!)  I believe that I have shared my unemployment struggles with the blog before.  I’ll recap if not.  In February of this year, I was laid off pretty unexpectedly.  Yes, it rocked my world but God precisely planned a bible study for me that started the day I was told I would be laid off.  It helped me get through the fear and the unknown of that time.  Since then I have been looking for work but have not had any luck.  About a month ago, I got news of a position that I was interested in.  I emailed the contact and she said she would talk to her manager.  It sounded promising, but I didn’t have the feeling like “this is it”. 

Skipping the mediocre part of the story, I thought I did well with the interview and felt like I could definitely handle the position, but I still didn’t have that peace about it.  The manager told me she would get back with me in 2-3 weeks with a response.  Ok, that was the longest 3 weeks ever!!!  During that time, I feel like I grew desperate.  Like, that has been the only job I have interviewed with during this time and what if that’s it?!  Or EVERYONE is asking me “what am I doing” or “have you heard anything from anyone?!”  I know they are concerned but it’s really annoying and makes me panic a little when people put so much emphasis on it.  God has been providing for us financially, even more than if I would have been working, so we aren’t worried about that.  It’s just that I enjoy working and the feeling I get from being able to provide for my family and others in need.  Well, that wasn’t a tangent I was expecting but we’ll roll with it!  : )

So, Friday, I woke up early and did my bible study.  It was over waiting on God with hope, specifically having me search the bible for verses dealing with waiting and making me write down what my expectations are of a request we have for God so we can “Get ready to watch God move.”  I wrote what my expectations are for a job, not really even thinking about the job I interviewed for.  Being close to home (I was spoiled with a 10 minutes commute with my previous job) and a position that has a flexible schedule were my two main requests.  I finished the study and got the kids ready for school.  On my way home, **at a red light** I read my email rejection letter… “You have great qualifications but we are pursuing another candidate for this role”.  My heart sank.  I mean, this role was perfect for me, right?! 

Then, I was reminded of the study I did that morning about waiting on God and that gave me hope.  The job was 30 minutes away, under conditions that I wasn’t 100% sure of anyway so to be completely honest, it wasn’t what I truly wanted.  Without that reminder, the devil could’ve used that to fuel my rejection, my angst about being home and kept that playing like a broken record of destruction and disappointment. Then when I got home, I read a devotional comment from a friend at church and it went right along with what I needed to hear.  “He strengthens us to face the defeat we have suffered, to work through the grief we have, to over come the depression we are in, whatever the circumstance we are in He is our strength and out hope.”  Does it stop there?!  Nope!!  Another friend’s facebook post about “Do not give up” quoting 2 Corinthians 12:9, a Proverbs31 devotional telling us to call out to God because he hears us and nothing is too trivial for him, a message from the local Christian radio station that the Lord will fight for us and a few more.  All of it came together at that specific time to make it so much easier to accept the rejection, defeat and discontent of that day. 

I have no idea where this time is taking me but I do know that God’s got it under control.  He’s showing me things that I wouldn’t have seen in my “fast paced” life before.  He’s rebuilding the relationship that I lost and he’s showing me that he is here, right now and there’s nothing more important than that!  I feel like he’s intentionally slowing my life down and getting it back in order and I am so excited about that.  It’s sad that we have to go through hard times to reach out to God, but am so glad that when we reach out He is there.  Thank you Jesus!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33 (NIV)

He's working on me!

Hello!  Hope everyone is doing well. Today, I have gotten a couple of messages that I wanted to share.  God is working overtime in my life right now and I need it so desperately.  One message that I have gotten is that when we accomplish the small things with God, he knows that he can trust us with the big things.  I feel like I can trust him with the big stuff, to a certain degree, it’s just the small stuff that I struggle with continuously.  The day-to-day stuff that wears me down and keeps me from feeling that joy.  Since I am staying at home, my stress level has increased by 300%.  I am not a mom who finds my worth in how much my kids need me.  Jude has always been such an independent child that I didn’t struggle with this as bad, or maybe he was the only one so he got all of our attention.  But with 3 small kids, this is the hardest thing I have done!!  Jude and Connley fight for my attention.  Someone is always crying.  Corbin wants me to look at what he’s done.  Individually, it’s not a big deal, but when it’s all-together, at the same time, it is so overwhelming to me.  I know I probably sound horrible, but I just want to be real. I just have to trust that God is using this time to refine me, to shape me into the person he needs me to be.  Yes it’s hard, and no I won’t do it perfectly starting tomorrow, but I acknowledge my problem and am willing to fight the fight to come out victorious with God’s help! 

See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wastelands.   Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)

The second message that I’ve been getting multiple times over, is giving grace to ourselves. I’m slowly learning that I can’t do everything like I would want.  The house is as clean as I can get it, the laundry is laughable, doing fun craft projects that I want to do is so 2011 (the year Jude was born!!  Haha!).  It’s frustrating and I get so mad sometimes, but I have realized that it is God’s will for me to be right here, right now.  My family isn’t going to care that I didn’t get to make this awesome Pinterest craft 20 years from now, so why should I care?  And it’s not going to help that I am wishing these years away.  I just need to focus on what’s best for me, my family and that its in line with what I think God wants me to do.  We also need to have grace for our friends or acquaintances that are struggling. It’s easy in this social media, “look at me” world that we’re in to pass judgment so quickly, but we need to remember that we have no idea what they are going through. 

And when God brings you a message more than once, from different sources, you need to pay attention.  At least, that’s what he does to me.  I’m trying Lord!!  I’m really trying!!

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s powers may rest on me.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

Give Him all the thanks!

Hello everyone!  God is so good!  He is continuously working in my life right now and even though I am going through hard times, I can only rejoice!!  Yesterday was literally the outpouring of God and made a lot of what I have been doing lately worth every lost penny.  I've had time to read and study God's word.  I've had time to think about all God has done for me in the last 10-15 years.  Time to focus on how good God is and it all came to a head yesterday.

I got a phone call from someone who is having a hard time right now.  The hardest time in their whole life.  It's not my place to talk about their problems or even tell you what they are because the message is still the same.  I've tried to get better at getting up before the kids to pray and do my bible study.  Have I really?!?  Depends on what day it is, but this week I have gotten up 3 times before the kids and that is a record so maybe that can tell you how I'm doing!  : )  So back to yesterday.  I got up, finished my bible study and started praying over my prayer list.  I was a little distracted but as I prayed I wrote down some names of people I need to contact, to ask how they are doing or whatever. Well, when I got to this specific person, I immediately sent a text telling them I was thinking of them and praying that they have a good day.  Also that God is in control and they can get through this time.  Nothing amazing, just a heart felt message in a spur of the moment.  I have no idea why I stopped during my prayer to do it, but I didn't even think twice about it actually.

That afternoon I got the phone call.  That person told me that yesterday was the hardest day they have ever had.  They told me the no one understands what they are going though and they didn't know who else to call.  It breaks my heart to think back on it but I gave them words of encouragement that I pray stick.  I told them that we can not do anything without God.  Every single thing is because of Him!  I told them of how God brings us through hard times to refine us and grow us, as he is there helping us the whole way.  It may not seem like he's there, or that the trial goes on forever, but he is holding our hand, leading us and guiding us to a better relationship with Him.  It is so hard to feel like you are alone, but I told them that they are never alone.  God set this path out for them to mold and grow them and give them a testimony so one day they can help someone else.

That conversation was literally from God because I know I couldn't have said those things 1 year ago or even 6 months ago.  I've always been scared I was going to say something wrong and set someone back or give them a reason to not believe, but the last two bible studies I've done have shown me that God can use anyone.  He gives us these opportunities to teach us that He is in control.  As I come to him daily, I ask him to give me the words to speak, that they encourage, uplift, give hope and of course point people to Jesus.  I'm so glad that I was able to help someone, but to point them to God made it all the better.  If you're reading this, please lift up my friend.  They could use all the prayers right now.  God can bring redemption, we just have to be willing to be used by Him.  I pray you have a blessed day and an amazing weekend!

Nothing is impossible with God.  Luke 1:37

We need to go to work!

I’m not sure if you have heard me say it, but when God has a message for you, he will repeat the message until you “get it”.  This happens to me all the time because I guess I normally don’t get it!  Haha.  The message that he has been repeating to me this week is that I need to pray more.  Multiple messages, from multiple people, all speaking of the importance of prayer.  It’s not a coincidence; it is God. 

On Sunday, my pastor spoke of how as a church we need to pray more.  His message started with Ephesians 6:18; where we need to pray at all times.  He also said that as a generation, we have gotten so busy with things; that we don’t have time to pray or even get into the word of God as we should.  The things aren't necessarily bad, but they are taking our time away from God. Its so sad, but so true and I am so guilty of this.  We need to be lifting our church up in prayer; for the leaders, teachers and members.  We need to pray that we be beacons in our community that lead people to Jesus because that is our main calling. 

Then, that afternoon, I saw a tweet from Beth Moore that said “What happens in our church services was never meant to be up to our pastors, worship teams and leaders alone.  We members are not spectators.”  “God forbid we’d sit back, eat a donut hole and sure hope church is good today.  Let’s get off our spectating rear ends & pray.”  “Let’s pray hindrances down.  For God’s word to be effectual in every hearer.  For salvation/transformation.  Relationships healed.”  You’ve gotta love 140 characters, but the message is the same.  We are not to sit on the sidelines and let the leaders be the main "praye-rs".  We need to take control of our prayer life and use it to bring others closer to God!

Well, then on facebook last night, someone shared a blog post of Beth Moore.  I thought it was a continuation of her tweet, but the blog post was from February 4, 2015.  So it was posted a year earlier, but with the same message.  Colossians 4:2 – Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.  I thought I would summarize her post but thought this would be more powerful.  (I am hearing it in my head, the way she is saying/yelling it, like she does during her messages.)  Here it is straight from her post, in it’s ALL CAPS…

“WE’VE GOT TO PRAY.

WE’VE GOT TO BECOME PEOPLE OF PRAYER.

WE’VE GOT TO PRESS IN MUCH FURTHER AND BELIEVE GOD TO BE MUCH BIGGER.

WE’VE GOT TO CEASE LETTING PRAYER BE OUR WEAKEST SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE.

WE’VE GOT TO STEP IT UP AND WIELD THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT IN RELENTLESS INTERCESSION.

WE’VE GOT TO GO FURTHER THAN WE’VE GONE BEFORE IN PRAYER. PRESS HARDER. THINK HIGHER. DIG OUR KNEES IN DEEPER.

WE WILL NOT LIVE BOLDER THAN WE PRAY.

THERE ARE PARTS OF OUR CALLINGS, WORKS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, AND DEFEATS OF THE DARKNESS THAT WILL COME NO OTHER WAY THAN FURIOUS, FERVENT, FAITH-FILLED, UNCEASING PRAYER.”

Ya’ll, we have to pray now more than ever.  Pray for loved ones, pray for those who are hurting and especially pray for those that don’t know Jesus.  My pastor asked us to pray for 15 minutes every day, for our church, for lost loved ones and for each other.  We need it now more than ever.  I hope this speaks to someone, like it has spoken to me.  My weakest spiritual discipline has been prayer and I want to change that.  I want to become more powerful in prayer.  It’s what God wants us to do and one big benefit is that he loves to answer our prayers.  We just have to go to work!!  Thank you Jesus!

I prayed to the Lord and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears.  Psalm 34:4

He seeks me and finds me.

Yesterday, I could not overlook the fact that God is ever present.  I am continually amazed at how he watches over us and provides ways to comfort us, encourage us and to let us know he’s walking with us.  As I sit here jobless, with no solid prospects in sight, I can rest in the knowledge that God knows what is going to happen.  He hasn’t revealed anything specific to me, but he has comforted me with many messages of hope. 

Yesterday in my bible study, there was a reminder from 2 Corinthians 4:9; that we are not forsaken or not destroyed because God’s promises endure.  During a Periscope with Beth Moore yesterday (you know, the 24-hour thing), she spoke about dread being the lack of faith in God.  I’ve never thought of it that way but it is so true.  I find myself starting to panic about all the worries and grown up things we have to deal with, and I have to make myself stop…its a vicious cycle.  But Beth spoke the verses Psalm 112:6-8, Isaiah 26:3-4 and Proverbs 3:1-8 and that gives me hope.  Hope that God knows the innermost desires of my heart and he will work it out for my good.  It may not be how I thought it would turn out, or even what I thought it would look like, but God knows.  Then today during my bible study, we were asked to personalize bible verses to make them more applicable to us.  The list included Deuteronomy31:8, Romans 15:18, Micah 7:7 and my favorite verse of all time, Jeremiah 29:11-13.  Jeremiah 29:11-13 has been my go to verse since 2004 when I graduated from college.  It has helped me have hope through some of the roughest times in my life, but today I looked at it in wonder all over again.  When I personalized verse 13 “HEATHER will seek me and find me when SHE seeks me with all her heart.”  WOW!  I have definitely been seeking God more lately and I have found him and that gives me so much hope!  I’m so thankful that a word written so long ago, still applies to me today.  It’s so amazing!

This morning, I realized that I would have never left my job intentionally because I pretty much loved my job.  Everyone was a joy to work with and it was a place where people helped one another to get things accomplished.  But knowing that, God must have something better in store for me, and I have no idea how that will turn out.  It’s scary and suffocating to an introvert like myself, having to start over, having to prove myself to other people…it’s the worst for my analytical planning self.  But God is bringing me to it, and I know he’ll bring me through it.  Man, he’s such an awesome God.  Thank you Jesus, for choosing me, a lowly sinner, saved by grace.  Praying many blessings to you.

“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.”  Micah 7:7