Ya’ll! These last few weeks have been the hardest, nothing majorly extreme but hard just the same. This past week was a mixture of hormones, the stresses of not working and kids who were doing their best to test me; a scary trifecta of emotions that no one wants to experience! I felt frustrated, angry and upset, as though nothing was going right and everything was a struggle. I lost count of the times I’ve lost it over things that really aren’t that bad and complaining about things that I can’t change. I hope someone else feels this way and it’s not just me.
Is it this time of my life? Is it life with three little people who are trying to grow up and figure things out themselves (and can I say hard headed?!?)? Or is this how it’s going to be for the rest of my life?! I remember when I had my oldest, how I organized and had everything worked out that he didn’t really change our lifestyle that much. We still hung out with friends, went out to eat with him and I could still get things done at home. I don’t know if that’s just my deteriorated mind remembering all the rainbows and unicorns, or if it was seriously how life was. With the twins, I flutter from incomplete thought to incomplete thought; task to uncompleted task and feel so overwhelmed all the time. People always comment how they don’t know how I do it, and I want to cry and say “I have no idea how I’m doing it or what day it is!!!”
So, after my quiet time the other day, I laid my head on my desk and asked God to reveal to me what I need to do. I needed some comfort and grace to give me hope. I started flipping through my bible, reading some of the notes that I’ve wrote down in the last few of months and Philippians 2:14-15 popped out at me “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure”. I mean, all I was doing was grumbling and arguing. If it wasn’t with someone else, it was inner-grumbling or arguing and that, my friends, is probably worse!! Then, I read a past First5 study over Numbers 11, it talked about the Israelites complaining about missing Egypt. Um, hello…they were slaves there, but it totally made sense to me! We get so caught up in our everyday “struggles”, that we forget what we should be thankful for or what God has done for us. It makes me so sad.
So, with all that said, I wan to say I’m thankful for my family, my marriage and everything that God has blessed us with. I’m thankful that Corey has an awesome job that he loves and that is providing for us now, when I can’t! I’m thankful that God has blessed us abundantly during this time and that we are not doing without! It’s definitely a God moment I would like to discuss later. I’m thankful that God is using this time to refine me and get me in a closer relationship with him! I needed it so bad and I doubt I would’ve ever got to this point if the rug hadn’t been pulled out from under me! I just need to trust him and quit complaining because I know things could be so much worse. It’s all about perseverance and trusting God, but we always make it so much more complicated. I hope this has given you some hope today. You’re not alone. Have a great day!
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4 (NIV)