Monday, June 27, 2016

We're never going to be perfect!

Hello!  This year, my husband and I started doing bible studies together.  It has been something so encouraging for me because he’s taking it so seriously and he has inspired me on many days that I don’t feel like doing it.  For this, I am thankful!  Again, as God always does, I have been getting repeated messages over perfectionism.  It started in our bible study, A BeautifulDesign.  I’m paraphrasing, but it said that perfectionism and comparison are women’s sinful desires and that we constantly want people to look at us and say, “Yes, you are enough”.  Man, that made so much sense to me, especially in this social media age.  Being the introvert, I am on complete opposite spectrum of not wanting to post because I don’t want people to think that I’m bragging or that my life is perfect…but just let me just clarify right now and say that my life is far from perfect!!!

What’s crazy is that we feel as though we have any control over our lives anyway.  I mean I used to pride myself on being an overachiever (note that I said pride).  I had everything planned out and felt like I had my stuff together; granted that was when I was single, kid-less and still in college so I had all the time in the world!!!  Since then my pride has taken a major fall and I am humbled almost daily as I forget things, and make plans when I already have other plans…can anyone relate?!  The bible study had a sentence that jumped out to me and made me feel like it summed up my life:  We exhaust ourselves trying to control every moment in vain.”  In vain.  That resonated with me so much.  Who am I kidding, or whom am I trying to prove myself to?  I am not perfect and will never be.  This is something that God has been trying to get me to see for some time now.  I think I mentioned mommy guilt a few posts ago and it’s something so rampant in our society.  It’s really sad when you think about it.  We're all trying our best, can't we just be happy with that?!

So then a few days later, Proverbs 31 had a devotional that was titled “There is no such thing as a Perfect Decision”.  Yes God, I’m listening!  Haha.  It said that no choice will turn out perfect; it’s only an illusion.  If we keep trying to please God with what we are doing, it will never be wrong!  Definitely read the whole devotional to get more encouragement!!  I’m trying so hard to let go of that old perception of myself.  It’s soooooo hard and will take a lot of effort because it’s something that is ingrained in me, but I know that I can do it with God’s help!  I have to keep my focus on him and remind myself that I will never be perfect, no one will!  Have a blessed day!

“How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?”  Galatians 3:3 (NLT)

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The Veil is Thin

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but forgot to life.

Today…I just can’t even!  How can God loves us as much as He does?!  I mean, we’re all sinners who are totally unworthy but He does the most intimate and loving things for us, that no one else even knows.  The last few days I have really felt God’s presence in just the little things.  For example, my husband left for a retreat yesterday and on the way to drop him off I “kind of” joked that since he would be focusing on God all weekend, if he could ask God to provide me with a job that would be great.  He told me he had been praying, but I said “well, you will be closer to God since you will be focusing on him for 4 days and the veil will be thin.”  I mean, I was sort of kidding but not really?!  Am I the only one with a sense of humor like this?!  I hope not! 

That night while I was reading my book Audacious by Beth Moore, one sentence jumped out of the page.  She said “He’s always there whether or not we ever perceive Him but nothing in this human experience is like an uncommon, sacred moment when, for the briefest flash of time, the veil seems thin.”  (Emphasis mine.)  Literal goosebumps. He chose that particular night and that particular page for me to read those words as sort of a confirmation that the veil is thin.  But on the other hand, it tells me that He’s always here.  God tore the veil for us so we wouldn’t have to rely on others to speak to God for us and I am so thankful for that.  I have to continually seek him, study his word, pray and really listen for when God is leading me to do something.  Sometimes I don’t hear anything, but I know He is still there.  We have to trust that whatever we are going through is God’s will.  It can be tough, but the reminder that however God blesses us here on earth or in heaven is better than any tough circumstance we face today.  Keep hoping and keep trusting that God is going to do what He says He’s going to do.  Have a wonderful day!!

“At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.  The earth shook and the rocks split.”  Matthew 27:51 NIV

Monday, June 6, 2016

Only He can give us strength!

Hello!  I'm not sure if you know, but I have 3 small children under the age of four.  Well, I have a 4 year old and 22 month old twins to be exact!  So, as you can imagine, life at our house is never dull.  Lately, I have been struggling with frustrations, anger and then, of course, remorse.  I'm not stay at home mom material by any means and then add the worries that come with not having a job and it's a lethal mix of...I can't even think of a word for it, but it's not good.  And let me not forget to add that my twins are going through the stage where they are testing me.  I vividly remember having stare downs with my older son while he was testing the waters and it wasn't easy but we made it through it.  But with two, it's a total game changer.  Then, the oldest sees that the twins are telling me "no" and he thinks he can too so let's just say these last couple of weeks have not been the "model mothering moments" you find in all the self-help books.

I feel like I am being tag-teamed and most days just want to quit.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children more than I can express, but there are just some days when I can't handle it.  I get mad, yell more than I should because they are being hard-headed and intentionally not listening.  It just makes a bad situation worse, but at the time I can't see that.   And then I feel bad and compare the twins' upbringing to that of my only child and the guilt just piles on!  It's a never-ending cycle!! What I have noticed, on days like that, is that I didn't get into God's word that day or I didn't start off with prayer.  I know it sounds so cliché but it's true.  I am a person who LOVES sleep!  I always have, my husband jokes that it's a special super power I have.  So, when people would say "you need to get up before your kids and study the word to make your day better", I thought "yeah right, I love my sleep too much."  Since I have been off I can wake up around 6:30am, do my bible study, then get the kids up in time for school (clarification: my oldest goes to pre-k because he needs to learn!!  Haha) and it wasn't that horrible.  But since I started doing that, I have seen the benefits.  Do I still get mad or frustrated when I pray and study God's word?  Yes, but I don't do it as often.  I still have a lot to work on because I'm definitely not perfect but that is the whole thing about grace.  We're never going to be perfect, we always have to lean on God for mercy, strength and grace to make it through this thing called life.  I'm so thankful that I have a God who loves me and is there for me.  Hopefully you too can find something to be thankful for today!!  Have a great day!

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."  Isaiah 40:29 (NIV)