Hello! I'm not sure if you know, but I have 3 small children under the age of four. Well, I have a 4 year old and 22 month old twins to be exact! So, as you can imagine, life at our house is never dull. Lately, I have been struggling with frustrations, anger and then, of course, remorse. I'm not stay at home mom material by any means and then add the worries that come with not having a job and it's a lethal mix of...I can't even think of a word for it, but it's not good. And let me not forget to add that my twins are going through the stage where they are testing me. I vividly remember having stare downs with my older son while he was testing the waters and it wasn't easy but we made it through it. But with two, it's a total game changer. Then, the oldest sees that the twins are telling me "no" and he thinks he can too so let's just say these last couple of weeks have not been the "model mothering moments" you find in all the self-help books.
I feel like I am being tag-teamed and most days just want to quit. Don't get me wrong, I love my children more than I can express, but there are just some days when I can't handle it. I get mad, yell more than I should because they are being hard-headed and intentionally not listening. It just makes a bad situation worse, but at the time I can't see that. And then I feel bad and compare the twins' upbringing to that of my only child and the guilt just piles on! It's a never-ending cycle!! What I have noticed, on days like that, is that I didn't get into God's word that day or I didn't start off with prayer. I know it sounds so cliché but it's true. I am a person who LOVES sleep! I always have, my husband jokes that it's a special super power I have. So, when people would say "you need to get up before your kids and study the word to make your day better", I thought "yeah right, I love my sleep too much." Since I have been off I can wake up around 6:30am, do my bible study, then get the kids up in time for school (clarification: my oldest goes to pre-k because he needs to learn!! Haha) and it wasn't that horrible. But since I started doing that, I have seen the benefits. Do I still get mad or frustrated when I pray and study God's word? Yes, but I don't do it as often. I still have a lot to work on because I'm definitely not perfect but that is the whole thing about grace. We're never going to be perfect, we always have to lean on God for mercy, strength and grace to make it through this thing called life. I'm so thankful that I have a God who loves me and is there for me. Hopefully you too can find something to be thankful for today!! Have a great day!
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29 (NIV)